Sunday, January 03, 2010

More Dolphin Anyone?

If you want proof of how much time some celebrity chefs spend at their restaurants, then look no further than everyone’s favourite squashed Bee Gee Antony Worrall-Thompson.

I cycled past his upmarket restaurant near Kew Bridge during a fitness binge before Christmas, and stopped off for a fag and a peruse of his menu.

Now I’m all for experimenting in the kitchen, and trying different ingredients...but DOLPHIN Antony? It’s not exactly PC. You’ll have Greenpeace special forces after you with a speargun. Either that or your staff – the sort every celebrity chef claims they have painstakingly trained up so well to cover in their absence – have absolutely no idea what dauphinois is.

I’m not one of those tedious grammarians who come out in a nasty rash when they see a spelling mistake, or get a hard-on when they spy a split infinitive, or who scrawl pipe-tappingly lengthy letters to the Telegraph about education today, and English as a second language, but three spelling mistakes in three dishes!

Even restaurants in back-street Beijing do better than that with their tourist menus. Baby cappers! And you’ve got two spellings of Béarnaise, by Jeremy!

Now I know AWT has a pretty good knowledge of classic dishes, and he knows there’s only one p in baby capers, and I hope no dolphin in dauphinois potatoes, but you’d think he’d at least keep an eye on what’s going out on his specials menus, especially considering his recent restaurant failures.

And as for the idiots who waffle on whenever I turn to the thorny issue of celebrity chef absenteeism about how you wouldn’t expect Enzo Ferrari to make your F40 himself, or Giorgio Armani to rip little distressed looks in your jeans, so why do you expect Gordon Ramsay to personally slave over your omelette if you eat at one of his restaurants?

Well, at least they’d spell Ferrari correctly on the badge.


Luis Anton Ego said...

Great post. If you were able to understand Portuguese, you would come aware that we have the same kind of writing.
Keep on.
Luis Anton Ego

Auldo said...

OMG, what an awessome mistake: dolphinoise. How in the hell is somehting like this possible on the menu of an restaurant?

AWT said...

Dear Lonnie,

I was dissjointed that you felt it necessary to feasture my restaurant in such a negative way. On the day that you droopped by, I had been out of the office for a couple of days, and didn't have the opportunity to vet the menu.

Clearly, there is not actually any "Dolphin" being served in my World class establishedment. Yet, my food being as esquisite as it is, makes it quite understandable that my staff would think what is being served by them, is as deserving of the most quixotic of titles, hence "Dolphinoise."

Noneothertheless, the description should be acclimate, and the person responsible has been warmed. In mitimigation, I will say it's not easy juggling one's time between a busy TV schedule, debt counseling sponsorships, and a daily "chat" with the Inland Revenue.

I know you are wondering, how it is possible to have such super-human qualities as to run a World renowned restaurant will all of the other activities I subscribe to, Lonnie? I will only say to you, I am Antony!

I assure you of my best attention at all times. Please call in next time you are passing: I probably won't be there, but my staff will take a message from you.

Incrimentally, when you do call in, please ensure that you don't park your bike under the menu board again.

Good luck with your culminary career.


Lennie Nash said...

Dear Luis,

Thanks for that. I'm afraid I can't speak much Portuguese, but I loved the images.



Lennie Nash said...

Auldo sir,

Unbelievable isn't it, especially when they charge grown-up prices!

Love the blog, and really admire you for tackling those ludicrously fiddly Fat Duck dishes. Those grapefruits brought back nightmares!

All the best,


Lennie Nash said...


At first I thought you were a fake, and then I realised it really is you! What a marvelous letter.

Thank you, you brightened my day and restored my faith in the internet.

Best wishes,