Friday, May 16, 2014

Food Waste Collection: A Letter Of Complaint

I came across this letter of complaint to South Bucks District Council the other day, it rather amused me so I thought I would share it...

Dear Refuse and Recycling Local Official Co-ordinator,

I live at XXXXXXXXXX and for some reason my food waste has not been picked up for the past two weeks. 

I put the brown box out both times, which normally does the job, but it remained there untouched by workman's glove. It was in plain sight, so I fail to see why your refuse collection experts were unable to see it.

Perhaps if this was the case, you might have considered choosing different colours when you introduced your new coloured-box refuse and recycling collection system? 

Maybe bright, neon colours would have been a better choice, maybe even luminous for easier identification and collection of during the dark winter months?

But as it is now positively spring, I fail to see why your neon-breasted garbage collectors were unable to spot my (albeit rather dun and unstriking) brown box on two consecutive weeks.

I am at rather a loss what to do with the contents of my brown box, given some of the food in there must be three-weeks-old now. 

I'm afraid I rather lack the courage to look inside, but the curious odour from my humble box is enough to convince me that the victuals and plate-scrapings are now somewhat beyond the fermentation stage, and perhaps even nearing putrification.

Please advise me on how I should rectify this rather odorous situation, and if there is anywhere I can take my brown box for it to be rid of its rotten contents. It might also be helpful to let me know when, or indeed if, I can ever expect my brown box to be emptied again.

I hope you look into this fairly promptly, and treat it with the sort of expedience one could probably expect should a council tax bill remain unpaid for a fortnight.

Hope to hear from you soon,

Kind regards,

Mrs Neville Twitcher.

Friday, May 02, 2014

Lamb Kebabs - The Perfect Midnight Snack

I lived above a kebab shop in Brighton when I was a student. It was a terrible place, but I learned two things. One was to wrap 1p coins in Rizla papers, which worked as 20p pieces in the parking meters in the street, and the other was how to shave white cabbage.

Every night the owner’s cousin used an incredibly-sharp machete to cut cabbage for the kebabs. It took him 30 minutes to get through a large cabbage, just using the weight of the blade to cut wafer-thin shreds. Now when I make kebabs I always think of him for some reason, and try to get the white cabbage as thin as he showed me.

(Serves 2)

2 lamb rump steaks (about 150g each)
1 onion
1 white cabbage
1 tomato
2 large pitta breads
Chilli sauce

Heat a frying pan until it begins to smoke and then lay the lamb steaks in there, fat-side down. You don’t need oil as the fat will soon render down (see pic below). 

Cook for about 10 minutes, turning every couple of minutes, and sprinkling with a little salt, until the meat is charred on the outside and still pink and juicy in the middle.

Meanwhile, finely slice enough white cabbage and onion for two kebabs, then slice the tomato. Pop the pitta bread in the toaster or under a grill - but don’t cook too much otherwise it will go crispy and fall apart when you fill it. Split the pittas open.

Cut the lamb steaks into strips about 1cm wide. Half fill the pittas with the salad, pour in some chilli sauce, then put in the lamb strips and top with a little more salad and more chilli sauce. Eat immediately.