World Cup: Irish Will Never Baguette

A friend spotted this court case in an Irish daily and said it read like a Father Ted script. It amused me so I thought I’d pass it on...

A drunken unemployed plasterer was arrested for urinating on the French loaves section of a supermarket in protest at French striker Thierry Henry’s controversial handball incident that saw Ireland knocked out of the World Cup qualifier.

Frances "Smokie" Larkin (apparently he earned the nickname after setting fire to a tennis club shed in his teens), pleaded guilty to the incident at Maher's ValueStore, in Killareagh, and was given a suspended sentence, fined and bound over to keep the peace.

The 46-year-old was spotted urinating on the Cuisine de France section, shouting “this will teach ye, ye cheating French bastards," before he was taken away by local gardai.

Gardai Anthony Flanagan told the court: "When I reached the shop, I was informed that Mr Larkin was causing a disturbance in the bread section.

“When I got there, he was urinating on the French bread section and stamping on a loaf. I later ascertained that the loaves were brioches, a sort of French bread.

"When he saw me, he tried to run away but I apprehended him and grabbed him by the arm. He said 'that's for Thierry Henry, guard. If you have any pride in your country, you'll let me go.

"Then he said 'that'll teach them, the cheating French bastards."

Angela Roche, defending, said her client had a problem with drink and had become quite agitated with the result of the World Cup match and had worn an "I shot Thierry Henry" T-shirt that was made up in a local T-shirt shop.”

Larkin apologised to the store and said he "had no axe to grind with them," but that they had been caught up in "friendly fire."

Explaining his actions, he said he wanted to make a grand gesture to show that the Irish were not going to take the controversial handball decision lying down.

"The French loaf is the symbol of France and so by doing what I did, I was standing up for Irish pride," he said.

In his summary, Judge Fergus O'Halloran said that what Mr Larkin had done was despicable and was also a threat to public hygiene.

"You did this without any thought to the consequences for the unfortunate shoppers who had to buy that bread.

"We cannot have louts like yourself with half-baked ideas about national pride carrying out acts like this," he told him.

Surely he meant parbaked.